Birthday Reflections: Things I wish I Knew At 22
I celebrated my 32nd birthday in August and while being in my thirties does feel very ‘mature’, I’ve never felt better! Certainly my holistic health journey over the past five or so years has something to do with how great I feel (and look, if I do say so myself) and it got me thinking about what I wish 22 year old Caitlin knew.
Calories don’t matter
I spent literal years of my life agonizing over the way my body looked during my professional ballet career. Hours in front of a mirror in a room full of people with similar self-critical eyes only fueled the dysmorphia. This led to an unhealthy relationship with food that cast a dark shadow over my quality of life even after I retired my pointe shoes. It wasn’t until I began studying hormone health and the menstrual cycle that I truly understood how to properly fuel my body, eat for blood sugar balance, and totally forget about calories!
It’s not rude to say no
I spent so long being a people-pleaser and feeling resentful for never really getting what I wanted. It took burning myself out being everything for everybody except myself for me to realize that it is okay to say NO. I always used to feel like I was not justified in saying ‘no’ if I didn’t have a really good reason but that’s simply not true! The only way to make space for my own wants, needs, and ambitions was to be more selective with what I said ‘yes’ to.
Stop hanging out with toxic people
They might seem fun or chaotic or like a wild-card, but they often turn out to be a source of stress or disappointment. On more than one occasion I can recall really going out of my way to help my ‘friends’ who would fail to return the favor when I needed it or would create some form of drama that my nervous system did NOT need. When people show you who they are, accept it and move on.
Trust your gut
I always prided myself on my intuition; I even remember peers commenting on my good judge of character back in high school. Somewhere along the way I lost the connection to my gut feeling, or at least stopped trusting it. Just because you want something or someone you love suggests something, does not always mean it’s right. This goes for decisions big and small. The sooner you trust your own senses, the sooner life will feel easeful and in alignment.
Alcohol is fun but it’s not who you are
As a reserved young woman, I felt so extremely awkward at social events that it was a relief when I turned 21 and could legally drink. It took the edge off and made conversation with acquaintances and strangers alike much more bearable. A twenty-something body is much more resilient- that version of me could drink the current version of me under the table! While I’m grateful for alcohol in some respects- bartending allowed me to save tons of cash for a big move and working as a shot girl introduced me to my long-time boyfriend- it’s not really a part of my life anymore. I don’t like how I feel when I’m buzzed and I definitely don’t like how I feel when I’m drunk. Occasionally I’ll have a celebratory drink but for the most part, I’m California sober.
Hormonal birth control is not the answer
No surprise here, but if I could go back in time I would never have gotten a hormonal IUD. That device wreaked more havoc on my body and sense of self than all of these other mistakes combined! My months-long experimentation with the Pill at 20 should have been enough to tell me that my body would not thrive with these synthetic hormones but I trusted the nurse instead of my gut. The problem is I didn’t have access or even awareness of the type of education and knowledge I have surrounding fertility today so I can’t say I would have had a safe alternative outside of condoms.
There is no time like the present
I spent a lot of time dreaming about what life would be like once I accomplished X, saved Y amount of dollars, or just put in enough effort at Z job. While I’m not against dreaming at all, it really dampened my experience in the present because I was unhappy and avoiding it. The problem was that I was not taking aligned action to get me to my dreams. I really wish I had realized this sooner but I also would have missed a lot of lessons along the way!
This is by no means a comprehensive list, I know there are more things that I wish I knew at 22. But these are the things that have really helped me to feel happy, successful, and at peace in the present moment. These are things that I still remind myself of now because life and comparison can easily derail us from our paths and our purpose. I’m so proud of where I am today but making this list has me thinking about what I’ll be wishing I knew ten years from now at 42! The biggest mistake is to close yourself off to learning, to changing, to healing. We have the power to design our most beautiful dream lives, we just need to listen to the voices within.
Me, 22, working at the bar
What do you wish you knew 10 years ago? tell me in the comments!
